Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist:

So you see I'm not really fat, I'm just super-intelligent!

All of us here love computers don’t we? Yes, of course we do why else would we blog? Thank goodness for these modern marvels that let us read news from all over the world, watch videos, share images, chat to our friends, etc. Computers are without doubt the most wonderful invention of the modern age.

But are computers really modern? Electronically the answer may be ‘yes’ since the first real computer wasn’t built until 1948. 1948? I thought computers were used for cracking Nazi codes during the Second World War?

There is no doubt that Alan Turing was the first to describe the architecture of the general purpose computer, by way of his 1937 paper on 'Computable Numbers' which proved the existence of an abstract general purpose computer (now known as the Universal Turing Machine). When considering whether or not some kind of device or formal system has the power of the general purpose computer, mathematicians and computer scientists now use the term Turing-equivalent as shorthand for this capability.

In 1943 Tommy Flowers (working with Turing at Bletchley Park) built the first Colossus machine, a programmable computer specially designed to crack the German Enigma military cipher machines. It was built in the novel electronic valve technology which had been brought to the Bletchley code-breaking effort by Flowers from the GPO. Too specialised really to deserve the title of a 'general purpose computer', it nevertheless contained all the elements of the modern general purpose computer except the crucial stored program in strict literal terms, although it is arguable that its high speed tape loops were a recognition and implementation of the idea in random access backing store. British Government secrecy about code-breaking kept this and subsequent work very little known outside those directly connected with British computer design until recently. At the end of the war the Bletchley Colossus machines were carefully smashed up into small pieces so they could never be used again or developed further. So anyway, in strict terms Colossus doesn’t count because it couldn't store a programme.

It’s generally accepted that the Small-Scale Experimental Machine, known as SSEM, or the 'Baby', which was designed and built at The University of Manchester and made its first successful run of a program on June 21st 1948 was the first practical general purpose computer. It was the first machine that had all the components now classically regarded as characteristic of the basic computer. Most importantly it was the first computer that could store not only data but any (short!) user program in electronic memory and process it at electronic speed.

From this Small-Scale Experimental Machine a full-sized machine was designed and built, the Manchester Mark 1, which by April 1949 was generally available for computation in scientific research in the University. With the integration of a high speed magnetic drum by the autumn (the ancestor of today's disc) this was the first machine with a fast electronic and magnetic two-level store. It in turn was the basis of the first commercially available computer, the Ferranti Mark 1, the first machine off the production line being delivered in February 1951.

Mechanical computers were in existence way before this though and we have to thank Charles Babbage and his Difference Engine, 1834, for inventing the principle of the analytical engine, the forerunner of the modern electronic computer.

Quite stunningly the Greeks developed an analogue computer some 2000 years before Babbage. The Antikythera Mechanism as it is known, discovered more than 100 years ago in a Roman shipwreck, was used by ancient Greeks to display astronomical cycles. The device worked by turning a small handle connected to an arrangement of hand-cut bronze gears and could have been used to predict solar and lunar eclipses. The elaborate arrangement of bronze gears may also have displayed planetary information.

So okay computers aren’t really new, but we love ‘em anyway! Ain’t technology wonderful?

According the BBC web, Andy Robinson has had his last game as England coach. As a non-English rugby fan I can't say I'm in the least surprised. The question is, who will replace the hapless Mr Robinson?

Okay so I’m going out on a limb here and fully expect to be shot at: I thoroughly sick and tired of the constant whinging about, or by, the people who’ve lost money because of the collapse of Farepak Hampers. Now don’t get me wrong, I DO feel sorry for anyone who loses money when a venture goes bust and I feel especially sorry for the folk who were saving for Christmas and are now in dire straits, but I really don’t see why Farepak’s clients should be a special case.

In the UK, we’ve seen people’s personal pensions siphoned off by unscrupulous companies. We’ve seen individuals lose their life savings when banks have crashed. We’ve seen whole work-forces dumped with no financial compensation when the idiot in charge makes bad business decisions. In cases like these, compensation is little or none – usually none - and the consequences are far-reaching. So what makes someone who stuck their spare cash into a venture like Farepak Hampers so special?

Personally if I wanted to save money for Christmas, I’d have put my spare cash in a bank, a building society, or some other account that at least paid interest; indeed I do exactly that. My choice isn’t exactly radical and certainly doesn’t make me anything out of the ordinary.

Come on people, get real. Farepak Hampers was a business like any other and the people who invested their money in it were taking a chance just like those investing in any other venture. Farepak collapsed, get over it. Stop whinging!

The image you are looking at dear readers depicts the copper domed, stone and brick built edifice that was once upon a time Newport Technical Institute. Sadly the building has stood empty for some years and since becoming a target for vandals is now derelict. It wasn’t always so.

The Technical Institute was also home for the world famous Newport School of Art and Design and was once so full of life; I’m rather pleased to have studied at the ‘Tech’ myself and been a small part of its history.

The entranceway was through a pillared portico that opened to a light, airy circular foyer. Staircases at either side climbed the walls to meet on the first floor level, giving access to the teaching spaces. The second floor had been specifically designed to allow as much natural light as possible to the various studios. The copper dome acted like an upturned bell, oak benches had been built into it allowing students to sit within: a magical place in many respects.

A little of the history...

The Newport Mechanics Institute was founded in 1841. In 1870, this gave birth to Schools of Art and Science in Newport which in turn became Newport Technical Institute, based in Clarence Place, in September 1910.

The Technical Institute expanded during the first half of the twentieth century and as a result, a separate College of Art and a College of Technology were formed in 1958 with the latter being jointly administered up to 1974 by Monmouthshire County Council and Newport Borough Council.

Newport College of Art was one of the first colleges in the country to be allowed to award the new degree equivalent qualification, the Diploma of Art and Design, in 1963. When the Diploma was itself replaced in 1973 the College was approved to offer honours degrees in Fine Art and Graphic Design and continues to do so to this day.

Such a shame in my view for a once splendid building to have been allowed to simply fall into disrepair, albeit aided by the hooligan element breaking glass, setting fires, etc. The latest move is to redevelop the site into luxury flats: I hope they retain the entranceway and staircase and return the area to an earlier elegance.

Just catching up with the overnight play in Brisbane and kind of wishing I hadn't bothered: England all out for 157 in just 61 overs, tired old Glen McGrath having taken 6 wickets.

Australia have started their second innings and are currently 98 for 1 (giving them a lead of around 550). Something tells me England might just lose this one!

Clark has his first test wicket: Collingwood goes for 6 and England are on 43 for 3. No hope now.....

Well Australia really are in the driving seat in Brisbane. Cricket lovers in the UK must be feeling pretty sick right now: Australia declared at the drinks break in the final session of the second day having scored 602 runs (for 9 wickets). The England batsmen come to the crease after the interval, Strauss is caught Hussey off McGrath for 12 and the very next ball Cook is caught Warne off McGrath - 28 for 2 and in very deep shit....

Who was it that said Glen McGrath was too old?

European Union judges are to deliver a ruling in a case that could change the way shoppers buy alcohol and tobacco.

The ruling will decide whether taxes should be paid at home or abroad.

It could have a big effect in the UK, where taxes are high and many Britons travel to mainland Europe on "booze cruises" for cheaper alcohol. (more)

While I'm all in favour of us Brits (and the rest of Europe of course) being able to take advantage of cheaper taxes when buying 'locally' today's ruling could have a huge impact on our national budget. The loss of revenue on booze alone means taxes will have to be raised elsewhere to balance the books. Add in the potential loss of revenue from tobacco products, perfumes, cars, etc. and the state of the Treasury suddenly looks very sick! You can bet things like income tax will take an upward hike to compensate. Oh well, we could always drown our sorrows I suppose...

In a recent interview the chief constable of Dyfed-Powys police, Terry Grange, said that in his opinion young men who have sex with girls aged between 13 or 15 should not be classed as paedophiles. Grange went on to say that males aged up to 30 who had sex with post-pubescents should be exempt.

In my opinion this man is not fit to be a chief constable and his resignation should be sought as a matter of some urgency. I’d love to see some of his other ideas regarding policy and law change.

What do you think? Do Terry Grange's comments offer an open invitation for paedophiles and abusers?

In a recent blog I highlighted an act of vandalism that had taken place in Worthing, Sussex, when a bunch of vandals daubed Nazi swastikas and SS symbols on a war memorial: I’m extremely pleased to say that police have made an arrest. (see BBC News story)

At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, should this 21 year old be found guilty, I for one hope the courts don’t simply hand out a slapped wrist and a few hours community service. But what would be a suitable punishment? Public flogging? Deportation? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Below is a copy of a real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL’s complaints dept, which won a UK-based competition in as Complaint Letter of the Year.

The following letter is nothing whatever to do with me, neither are the sentiments portrayed. Any person or persons wishing to take issue should contact the original author.

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

Anyone would think he was a tad annoyed.

Do you have days when everything you do goes pear-shaped? I certainly do and am currently right in the middle of what I refer to as a Clumsy Day. So what does this mean? Well simply put:

• I drop things
• I bump into things
• I knock things over
• I fall over myself

Oh I know what you’re thinking and yes I suppose I am a silly old fool, but there are times when I really wonder if someone has it in for me. Persecution complex? Yes, perhaps.

Earlier this morning, while still wearing nothing but my birthday suit, I got my feet tangled together at the top of the stairs and ended up at the bottom much quicker then I would have liked: I understand now why women complain about carpet burns! The stripped skin will heal soon enough and the bruising will reduce and fade in time, but my dignity has taken another large dent that will take some serious panel beating to remove. Thank goodness it was early morning, or the neighbours would have had a really scary start to their day had they been looking through the window beside our front door!

Having scrapped myself up and limped into the kitchen to lick my wounds, I thought it best to ignore my mishap and get on with the business of the day. The kitchen floor was the next to suffer when I sneezed, cuppa in hand and sprayed it liberally.

Two down then and one to go, assuming my wise old Mother’s ‘things always happen in threes’ still holds water. So dear readers I tender this warning: keep well away for the next couple of hours!

Well there’s a thing, as the Moody Blues once sang, isn’t life strange? I was looking up some information about Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) with whom I share a birthday (I’m six years older than Bruce) and low and behold, I find another famous (perhaps infamous) person also born on 7 August. On this occasion though I share not only the day, but the year: Alexi Sale and I were both born on 7 August 1952, does this make us twins? Yes I'm sure it does and that makes me famous!

Disturbingly, Jack the Ripper committed the first of his Whitechapel murders on 7 August 1888.

In 1945, American President Harry Truman announced the bombing of Hiroshima with an atomic device on 7 August.

The great Oliver Hardy died on 7 August 1957, singer Esther Phillips died on 7 August 1984 and fire-fighter extraordinaire Red Adair died on 7 August 2004.

On a lighter note, Stan Freiberg, the American comic was born on 7 August 1926 and the World Wide Web went public on 7 August 1991 without which we wouldn’t all be here would we?

It’s Saturday morning, the weekend’s here, the weather’s lousy, but there’s more international rugby on the tube so we can legitimately just fester at home and have chill out. Fantastic!

Actually I have a few plans I’d like to bring to fruition over the weekend. As a devotee of the ovoid I certainly intend festering in front of the rugby, but I’m aware there are things I need to sort out, so must spend some time working too. Top of my to-do list is my office; the room seems to have become so much of a dumping ground recently I can hardly get through the door and I lost the scanner under the mountain of crap on my desk weeks ago!

Have you all seen the BBC’s latest bit of research? I’m talking about their projected costs for us poor suckers if the government’s ‘pay as you drive scheme’ comes to fruition. One of the guinea pigs, a midlands based commuter, has a daily journey not dissimilar to my own and apparently his monthly charge is likely to be around £125: I was gob-smacked to read that he was reported as being happy with the idea of paying out an extra £1500 a year to use the roads. Completely ridiculous!

So anyway I got to thinking. If I can take my office by the throat and strangle the life out of the muddle-beast that’s been making its home in there recently, I’m bloody well sure I can also sort out the utter mess the Department of Transport seems to have become. Anyone want to lend a hand?

I decided to experiment in the kitchen this evening and follow in the footsteps of a food hero of mine, Keith Floyd. Chicken was on the menu and something Italian was my aim, so Chicken Cacciatore it had to be. Turned out really well to, despite it being about ten years since I saw Floyd’s broadcast and couldn’t remember exactly what he did!

So this morning I blogged in my anticipation of a good day, this evening I blogged a little because my day had good thus far and now here I am again saying my day has gone from good to better and even better still. Ain’t I the lucky bunny?

Blogging off now. G'night all.

Day one of my current web development course complete and what a nice bunch I have to work with this time around. Surprisingly perhaps, all but one are female and that makes a pleasant change. A very enjoyable day.

I’m off to cook now, someone has to do it! Nah, just joking, I really enjoy playing in the kitchen so my day simply gets better and better.

Hope you guys are enjoying your day even half as much as I’m enjoying mine; if you are, you’ll all be having a great time.

One of things I really like about my role at the university is the variety of work that comes my way. It’s an absolute pleasure to be able to flit from one topic to another and I never get tired of the change or the constant need to update. I swear it helps keep me young!

I’m in for a treat over the next four working days since I’ll be introducing a new bunch of people to the mysteries of web design usability. These are always fun courses for me and the ‘students’ seem to enjoy them almost as much as I do, so that must indicate something.

As far as the practical side of things is concerned we’ll be combining Dreamweaver and Fireworks, allowing the ‘students’ to produce fully accessible yet graphic rich web environments: what fun!

As the course is only 4 days they won’t learn all is there is to learn about web design or content management, stick-ability or marketing, but my next little bunch will go away with a good grasp of the basics and the ability to further develop their skills, should they wish to do so. They’ll also be offered the opportunity to attend a second level session with yours truly.

So yes, I’m really looking forward to going in to work this morning and will still be looking forward to going to work when Monday comes around!

It’s Wednesday and the middle of the working week (for many of us at least). I’m always happy to see Wednesday come around since from midday onwards the week is all downhill. Wednesday is, according to a blogfriend, ‘Hump Day’ because it represents the peak at the middle of the week.

The word Wednesday appears in various names and titles. The football club, Sheffield Wednesday and the rock band, Big Wednesday, for example, but why? In the case of the football club, it’s literally because Sheffield Wednesday was ‘born’ on Wednesday 4 September 1867; I have no idea why the band decided on Big Wednesday.

The name Wednesday comes from the Middle English Wednes dei, which itself is derived from the Old English Wodnes dæg: Wodnes daeg was the day of the Germanic god Woden, who was a god of the Anglo-Saxons in England until about the 7th century AD.

I’m particularly taken with a phrase associated with the Mickey Mouse Club from my childhood: Wednesday was renamed ‘Anything Can Happen Day’. It’s true of other days too of course, but Wednesday does seem to be a bit special.

In the Royal Navy, Wednesday is ‘make do and mend’ day (colloquially, make and break) meaning an early finish from work to allow hands to repair their kit, or more likely to just relax these days.

Anyone else got anything Wednesday related?

All things considered, today has been a very good day. While I didn’t manage to achieve everything that was on my agenda when I left the house this morning, I did get through quite a lot so I’m certainly not complaining.

I managed to interface with a colleague for some meaningful dialogue and built a bridge or two while I was at it: it’s good to network isn’t it? I really must try to do more of that in the future.

Only one big downside to the day and that’s the weather/traffic/journey home. I’d have happily stayed put in preference to fighting my way through the driving rain and morons insistent on driving with no consideration for anyone else.

So here I am sitting at home now and Tuesday’s all but over for me as far the ‘puter is concerned. My head aches and my eyes are tired, so I’m going to just flop on the settee, stare at the tube and fester. I might even indulge in some chocolate!

I’m offing now to watch the final episode of ‘Spooks’. Enjoy the rest of Monday you good people and I’ll catch up with you all again tomorrow.

G’night all!

Glass toilets have obviously become the thing to have, if you're a go-ahead city. This one's in London.

Seems to me there's probably something quite voyeuristic about these things. Voyeuristic from the user's viewpoint that is.

I'm obviously leading a very sheltered life as I had no idea these things existed and this is the second one I've spotted today!

This is a public toilet in Houston. All of its walls are made of one-way mirrors. You can see out but you can't see in. Or so the theory goes. Once inside you feel as if you are sitting in a transparent box.

It's made entirely of one-way glass! No one can see you from the outside, but when you are inside it's like sitting in a clear glass box!

Now would you... COULD YOU... use it?!

Funny things to do if you're walking by:

- Point and laugh as if you recognize the occupant.

- Press your face against the glass as if peering through a key-hole.

I’m about to leave all you happy bloggers for the day, but thought I’d send you good wishes for the rest of your Sunday before I go.

Don’t forget to get a good rest tonight boys and girls and wake fresh and ready for the new week tomorrow morning!

Take care all!

Poppy box thief jailed for a week

A man has been jailed for a week for stealing a poppy collection box from a bank in Prestatyn, Denbighshire.

David Archer, 51, from Rhyl, appeared before Llandudno magistrates, 20 minutes before the UK held a two-minute silence for the fallen on Saturday.

Read more here.

What kind of mindless idiot does something like this? Vandals in Sussex, that's who!

Read the full article on the BBC website.