We all have bad days.... they are part of everyday life. Most people just push them aside and get on with things though... how I wish I could do that. For me a bad day can last anywhere between a couple of hours and a couple of weeks...

I'm in the middle of a major wobble right now... and it is really getting to me... I hate the feeling of not being able to cope... of not being in control...

Later today I'm due to start a new group therapy thing and I'm dreading it. Dealing with people is something I find very hard to do... dealing with new people is almost impossible for me. It is not just fear of the unknown... or embarrassment... it goes much deeper than that...

I'm already sweating like a pig and my heart is pounding like a tilt-hammer. I really, really don't want to go... non-attendance simply isn't an option though. If I don't go today they'll just keep sending for me...

I admit though, the idea of standing up in an open forum and saying... "My name is John and I'm fucking crazy" doesn't exactly appeal to me...

To make matters worse I have an appointment tomorrow with my employer... after almost 12 months of absence they want to explore ways they may be able to help me with my issues... I'm dreading this too...

What I want to do is tell the university where it can stuff its job... just setting foot back on campus is likely to set me off again... and that means I'll clam up tighter than a duck's arse and not say a word... just sit there shaking and twitching... a bit more violently than I am already...

Sod's law these two things should happen on consecutive days... I should have managed things better... but that's part of the problem... management... I don't manage things at all... I just let them happen and hope for the best... god knows I can't manage myself let alone anything else....

So I'm sorry if I haven't been around this week and apologise for not answering comments... I'm just having a bad day...

I just want to run away and hide........