Usksider's Photo Blog

I don't know what you guys think, but it seems to me there hasn't been as much activity here at BCUK the last week or so... is everyone getting ready for Christmas already? Or perhaps like me, other people are finding there are lots of things that need seeing to and Blogland has to take a back seat.

Anyway, here's another image from my trip to the beach last week; this also features those little wormy things... have a look at the rocks around and in the middle of this pool.

click the image for a larger view

I love the way these little guys colonise their environment and seeing them in such numbers indicates the Bristol Channel must be in pretty good condition these days. :yes

...and another hour or to wait until I can settle with The Archers Omnibus and a full fat Sunday Breakfast

What shall I do for the next 90 minutes?

I really can't decide...

Perhaps I'll post some images

You may recall seeing some images of these things previously.

Little wormy things live in these self created sand castles... and make their living by filtering sea water for even smaller little squirmy things.

I posted this photo a couple of days ago...

I've been having a bit of a rethink following a very sensible comment on another site and done a little editing...

Honest opinions please, do you prefer the original or the edited version?

I found this on an Australian blog and thought I'd share with you guys here at BCUK: no monkeys were hurt in the preparation of this post.

Obviously having your own monkey would be fantastic for a whole host of reasons but as they are quite intelligent yet unable to speak, they have the advantage of learning very quickly through beatings while being unable to tell anyone. Below is a list of the kind of monkeys that would be good to have. The list is far from complete as it omits Jetski monkey, Boiling water monkey and Battlestar Galactica Monkey but covers the basic best kinds of monkeys.

Disguised Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would borrow my mums sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. For the monkey. So he wouldn't mind spending his life in a monkey suit.

Gambling Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach him to count cards like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rainman and sneak my monkey into the casino. If anyone said "Hey a monkey, who's monkey is that?" I would say "It's not my monkey".

Singing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Kylie Minogue songs. Then if Kylie passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Kylie would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on ebay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

Paddling Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use a paddle. The next time I went kayaking I would be able to relax and enjoy the scenery while my monkey navigated the river. Also, the last time I went kayaking I was listening to my ipod and I fell asleep and got sunburnt and the current took me way up the river before I awoke when the kayak hit a tree branch and I had to paddle all the way back. Having a paddling monkey would prevent this ever happening again so really it is a water-safety issue and should be encouraged.

Channel Changing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use all the entertainment equipment. I would save money on batteries for the remote controls by having my monkey change channels for me. With the money I saved on batteries I would buy drugs. I would share the drugs with the monkey while we watched Black Books and Stephen Chow movies together.

Hairdressing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair - using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don't rock up to work till ten thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to write about what I would do if I had a monkey.

Surveillance Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to track down people who annoy me by using their profile photo and google maps. Using earpieces to communicate, I would have my monkey conceal himself behind the person typing on facesook® and when that person wrote something stupid I would have my monkey run up and slap them on the back of the head really hard then make a quick escape. Having several monkeys would be more convenient but I don't have time to train seven monkeys, what with having to do my own hair in the mornings.

5 Fun Things to do with a Monkey

1. Constructing and flying box kites
2. eyetoy
3. Running down sand dunes
4. Playing Connect 4
5. Dressups

Web Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to download porn for me. This way I could spend my time watching it instead of looking for it. I estimate this would save me one hundred and thirty hours a week. I would obviously require a monkey with similar tastes to mine but how hard can it be to find a monkey with a penchant for pregnant german women in latex?

Yellow Shirt Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would name it Brendon. I would shave the monkey and buy a yellow shirt for it and teach it to write inane posts on the Australian wall. Occasionally I would burn the monkey with a cigarette lighter but not to cause enough damage to detract it from it's primary goal; impersonating a retard.

Ceramic Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would name it Steve Darls and use it for scientific research. I would then publish my findings in a journal titled "Monkey Vs Electricity". With the proceeds from the sale of this publication, I would buy a potters wheel and kiln and produce my own range of contemporary, modern living, statues of monkeys. I could make a cast of my dead monkey and use it to produce to-scale ceramic monkeys. I would design a sticker stating that part proceeds go to Greenpeace but would keep all the money for myself. With the money, I would buy drugs and spend my days stoned, listening to music and turning pots.

Come on chaps, own up... how's your old boy doing?

Your wang...

Your dong...

Your diddler...

Your bishop's helmet...

Your todger...

Your member...

Your dick...

Your old man...

Your winkle....

Here's mine...

And before any of you bright people pull me up... I know it's really a Dog Whelk!

Come here, me little Jacky, now aw've smoked mi backy,
Have a bit o' cracky, till the boat comes in.

Dance ti' th' daddy, sing ti' th' mammy, dance ti' th' daddy, my little man.

You shall have a fishy on a little dishy,
You shall have a fishy when the boat gets in.
You shall have a mackerel on a little dishy,
You shall have a mackerel when the boat gets in.

Dance ti' th' daddy, my little laddie, dance ti' th' daddy, my little man.
Dance ti' th' daddy, sing ti' thy mommy, dance ti' th' daddy, my little man.

You shall have a fishy on a little dishy,
You shall have a fishy when the boat gets in.
You shall have a herring on a little dishy,
You shall have a herring when the boat gets in.

Come here, me little Jacky, now aw've smoked mi backy,
Have a bit o' cracky, till the boat comes in

Dance ti' th' daddy, sing ti' th' mammy, dance ti' th' daddy, my little man.

You shall have a fishy on a little dishy,
You shall have a fishy when the boat gets in.
You shall have a mackerel on a little dishy,
You shall have a mackerel when the boat gets in.

It was really lovely on the beach yesterday... and remarkably warm for the end of November too

Would you have enjoye being here with me? We could have gone paddling together.

I understand it's going to be cold and wet over the weekend... great, eh?

Here's an open invitation to all you clever people out there in Blogland...

I'm looking for a witty title for this image.

Well maybe not a rock star...

But ageing...

And definitely a heart throb...

It's okay, I'm not about to rubbish one of Britain's best loved performers... I'm not one of those blokes who just thinks Sir Cliff is nowt but a nancy boy tha knows... and only appeals to the blue-rinse and twin-set brigade...

Indeed, since being dragged kicking and screaming to see Cliff live in the Albert Hall some years ago, I have to admit to having a grudging respect for the guy... much to my surprise I really enjoyed the concert and even found myself singing along!

So anyway, how many of ladies here in Blogland are dyed in the wool Cliff fans?

You blokes can come out of the cupboard too... it's no good hiding you know!

And what do you call a man with a rock on his head?

Cliff of course!

The Long Walk Home

Poor little winkle... do you think he'll ever get there? Wherever "there" is...

I wonder who Messers Frost and Grossman would decide lived in a house like this?

Cue Lloyd Grossman the master of verbal diarrhoea with a rich, flowery, nonsensical and highly pretentious tour of this outstanding celebrity home...

Oi! Get that fat shadow out the image!

click for big

In naval terminology, a Destroyer is a fast and manoeuvrable yet long-endurance warship intended to escort larger vessels in a fleet, convoy or battle group and defend them against smaller, short-range but powerful attackers (originally torpedo boats, later submarines and aircraft).

The early history of the destroyer was for a rather different vessel though, one that was small and very fast, but with a limited effective range; these were the Torpedo Boat Destroyers.

Before World War I, destroyers were light vessels without the endurance for unattended ocean operations; typically a number of destroyers and a single destroyer tender operated together as a destroyer group.

The primary objective of the Torpedo Boat Destroyer was simply to prevent hostile torpedo boats from deploying their weapons against friendly vessels.

The first was the introduction of the steam turbine. The spectacular unauthorised demonstration of the turbine powered Turbinia at the 1897 Spithead Navy Review, which, significantly, was of torpedo boat size, prompted the Royal Navy to order a prototype turbine powered destroyer, HMS Viper of 1899. This was the first turbine warship of any kind and achieved a remarkable 36 knots (67 km/h) on sea trials. By 1910 the turbine had been widely adopted by all navies for their faster ships.

The second development was the replacement of the boat-style turtle-back foredeck (as seen in the lower four photographs here) by a raised forecastle, which provided better sea-keeping as well as more space below deck.

No blog today
I've got nothing to say
No news to blog about
Ain't nothing made me shout

No blog today
You might as well go away
Come back again mañana
You can watch me eat a banana...

Hope you're all well?

See you tomorrow Blogland

This morning I shall mostly be wearing Black

This afternoon I shall mostly be wearing Red

This evening I shall mostly be wearing the carpet in a horizontal position!

Have a great Saturday all

Well? What does float your boat?

It's an expression that lots of us use and one that is often misunderstood.

The phrase that often means whatever "soothes your soul" or whatever "works best" ie: whatever you feel like doing. It may also mean your view is different than mine so I am going to tease you in a sarcastic way.

Well what floats my boat is water... but of course water can sink my boat too...

I don't think I'll be row, row, rowing my boat gently anywhere, do you?

Whether 'tis be Fizzog-blog Day or the Great Faceathon Marathon, I decided to join Kev and co by coming out of the cupboard today and revealing my all...

Usky

So now you know what an Usky looks like.

Of course long-time readers here may recall my coming out of the cupboard in rather more detail some time back when I displayed myself with it (almost) all hanging out on a local beach...

For newer readers... this is kinda what ya missed!

Usky Out of the Cupboard

Scary ain't it? Bet you're glad you didn't happen on me in the flesh!

As long-term readers of this blog will know I have a bit of a thing for old Sammy Coleridge and his Ancient Mariner Mind you you'll need a fair bit of spare time if you follow my link to the complete poem.

In an odd sort of way this guy reminds me of Coleridge's seafaring chap...

What do you think?

...the Fleet's in!

Good morning all. Hope you're all fit and well today?

I think maybe I need to visit the vet... not for me you understand... but...

I think my jug has worms!

(click the image for a larger view)

All together now... sing-a-long-a-Usky

Me and my wife live all alone
In a little log hut we call our own;
She loves gin and I love rum,
And don't we have a lot of fun!

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

When I go toiling on the farm
I take the little jug under my arm;
Place it under a shady tree,
Little brown jug,'tis you and me.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

'Tis you that makes me friends and foes,
'Tis you that makes me wear old clothes;
But, seeing you're so near my nose,
Tip her up and down she goes.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

If all the folks in Adam's race
Were gathered together in one place,
I'd let them go without a tear
Before I'd part from you, my dear.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

If I'd a cow that gave such milk,
I'd dress her in the finest silk;
Feed her up on oats and hay,
And milk her twenty times a day.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

I bought a cow from Farmer Jones,
And she was nothing but skin and bones;
I fed her up as fine as silk,
She jumped the fence and strained her milk.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

And when I die don't bury me at all,
Just pickle my bones in alcohol;
Put a bottle o' booze at my head and feet
And then I know that I will keep.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

The rose is red, my nose is too,
The violet's blue and so are you;
And yet, I guess, before I stop,
We'd better take another drop.

Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown jug, don't I love thee!

Roman Ernie Thingy...

Hello all. Just a quick update on Usky's Medieval Madness mini-blogmeet idea; you'll recall I suggested a medieval banquet for BCUK members.

Having spoken to the organisers and failed to secure any kind of discount (the number of people who showed interest fell well short of the discount threshold) I'm sorry to say those interested will be faced with the full banquet price (currently £39.00 per head).

With regard to dates, the following Saturdays look to be the most favourable during the early part of next year:

• February 21^st
• March 7^th
• March 21^st

What we now need is select a date and firm up numbers so a booking can be made. I'd ask for a simple show of hands, but that's not too convenient in this medium, so can I ask those interested to PM me with their preferred date and a second choice date at their earliest convenience please; I'll compile these into some order and post again.

Tonight I shall mostly be eating

noodles from Wun Hung Lo